Sex & Dating: Part 1

Here are some of my sermon notes from this past Wednesday night. This is not a word-4-word outline, just the basics........

We obviously know that God has a standard for sex. We can look at 1 Cor. 6:9 and see that it matters to Jesus. But the question is, what exactly is sexual sin? What exactly is included? Is it just sex outside or marriage? Is it only homosexual sins? We find the answer in the Greek word "Pornea." This word is like a junk drawer of sexual sins. If God made a long list of sexual sins, He knows that eventual someone will create something that is not on the list and try to justify his actions. The word "Pornea"(where we get our word pornography) handles all these questions.

If you google the phrase "how far is too......." it automatically completes the statement with "......for Christian couples." Students want to know. Adults want to know. So, how far is too far? We find the answer in the Songs of Solomons where we are find that the real question is not how far, but when. We are told not to awaken love until its proper time. The only proper time is within the confines of marriage.

Many students also would like to know what my opinion is concerning dating. I will say that is not my decision. That right is reserved for the parents. The Bible doesn't specifically mention dating. Our concept of dating is relatively knew and a product of Western Culture. I will say this concerning dating....... 1. You should only date with the intentions of marriage. Dating purely for the purpose of having fun, fulfilling sexual desires, ego, etc... is evil. Please do not play with someone'e emotions or waste their time.
2. 2 Cor. 5 makes it clear that we should not be unequally yoked, therefore, you should only date Christians.
3. Since dating carries such great responsibility, I do not believe the majority of our youth group are prepared to handle the responsibility that comes with dating. Let's be honest, 98.99% or the 14 yr. olds will not marry their current middle school fling. Let's be honest, if they don't clean their room, pick/layout their own clothes in the morning, if they are completely dependent, what makes you think they are capable of handling the responsibility of dating? Some of the youth are capable of handling this responsibility. Most are not. Once again, this is a decision of the parents.
4. I will discourage dating within the group. When this teens break-up, and the most likely will, it will split the group, and potentially cause students to stop coming. It also offers a greater opportunity of distraction during services and events.
5. This is what I have noticed (and this is not true of all girls and boys, but it is true of most)
a. Guys date in order to fulfill sexual desires and ego
b. Girls date in order to fulfill a romantic fantasy (ex. Titantic, any other chic flick)

We also asked what the purpose of SEX really is???? and it is not pleasure. Pleasure is simply a by-product. The biological function is to have babies. We have plenty of biological functions; like eating, going to the potty, breathing, etc.....But this particular biological function requires 2 people. Obviously God is trying to tell us something.

Please read Matt 19:1-6. You see that God designed marriage so that the man and woman become ONE (keyword). This is crucial. You can't become one without marriage. You can't fully engage in this oneness without marriage and sexual intimacy, if practiced according to God. We tend to treat sex as if it were bad. We do this in our legalistic culture. If we see something that has the capability to be abused, we then treat that "thing" as if it were bad. Sex is one of those. Music is one of those. Alcohol is one of those. We learn in Genesis that God created ALL things in peace and rhythm with Himself. We as sinful man have fractured this relationship and thereby abused the things that God meant for good. Sex is great. You heard it here. Sex is awesome, if practiced according to God's standard.

The word "ONE" is important. We see this word mention in Deut. 6:4. The word used to describe the relationship between the Trinity is the same word used to describe the relationship between and husband and wife.

Remember... Your body is not your own, you have been bought for a price (1 Cor. 6) Jesus Christ purchased the rights to His church the night he died on the cross for our sins. You belong to Jesus. and Jesus repeatedly said, "If you love me, you will keep my commands." The real question is do you love Jesus? If so, live your life in a manner that honors Him.

Common Responses and my simple answers: More responses like these can be found in the book "Ask Me Anything" by J. Budziszewski
"I have always believed that I should wait to have sex on my wedding night, but due to our situation, I feel that it would be o.k."

answer: Everyone feels that their situation is special, everyone feels that they are the exception. Stop telling yourself stories. God's Word is clear. It's not o.k. and it will never be o.k. for you to lie to yourself

"I think it's o.k. to have premarital sex as long as you love the person"

answer: this is a classic response. We must first acknowledge that love is not an emotion, although an emotion may be a by-product of love. Love = Commitment. If marriage was based on emotions, and how I feel, I would want to get a divorce on a weekly basis, and then re-marry the very next hour. We know that Jesus loved the world so much that He laid down his life. Was it pure emotions that drove Jesus to die on the cross? No. Love is not, it has never been, and it will never be purely an emotion.

" My girlfriend and I feel that we are already married" or "We are married in our hearts"

answer: This statement is trying to imply that the couple is "committed" to each other. But if you were really committed, you would marry that person. Feeling married doesn't make it so.

"We've prayed about it, and we feel that God understands our situation"

answer: God will never contradict His Word. and His Word is clear. There is no need in wasting time asking God questions He has already answered.

"What's the big deal? It's not like it's hurting anyone else."

answer: This response implies that we should be able to do whatever we want as long as it does not affect others. After tens of millions of babies have been aborted, millions of men addicted to porn, divorces, fatherless children, diseases, and broken hearts, maybe, just maybe, it's time we redefined HURT. Sexual impurity does affect others, it does affect you, and it does affect your relationship with God.

I also included some quick tips to help stay holy.....
1. Don't be alone, not in the car, at your house, or on your dates
2. No Horizontal. Don't lay down just to talk, watch a flick, or any reason
3. No missionary dating. We are only allowed to marry/date Christians
4. Don't date unless you are seeking marriage.

more coming soon.......

Daniel

danielbeckworth@gmail.com